dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
