dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
