Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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