Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
