the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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