did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
