I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
