my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
