A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
