There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
