i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
