Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
