It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
