he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
