"it" just moved
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
