im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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