I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
