You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
