when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
