That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
