You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
