Are we in a gay sports bar?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
