you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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