She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
