I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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