You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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