Screwed.edu
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
