we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
