Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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