I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
