reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
