I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
