oh god the rape fog is back!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
