Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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