god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my phone needs a breathalizer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
