dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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