The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
