I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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