I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
