My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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