I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
