Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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