last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
