I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
