I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
