Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
