Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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