Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have tasted many bathrooms
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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