I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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