We named our party play list daddy issues
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
